Episode 1: Introduction to American Life

Episode #1: Introducing the Host, Dr. Feroz Bashari

I am Dr. Feroz Bashari. I worked as the Director of Communications for

the American military, U.S. embassy and the office of the President of Afghanistan for 20
years. I also served as a spokesperson for the Afghanistan government. I taught English language to senior police officers. I have BA in English as a Second Language, a Masters Degree in Political Science and a Ph.D. in Management Studies. I am knowledgeable about Afghanistan's political, social, media, and culture landscape. I am here to help you learn about American culture.

Introducing American Culture

For New Afghan Settlers

 

Dear all, especially dear Afghans who have been recently resettled or trying to resettle in the United States. For every individual or family who moves to the United States to live, study, and get an education, it is important to know the culture of the United States. As you know, every country has its own unique culture. If you don't know all about the culture of the country you are living in, you will face unnecessary challenges and problems, and you could even get into trouble. So, for all of my Afghan fellow citizens who have moved to the United States to live, work and study, you definitely need to understand the culture. Luckily, the United States is a country of immigrants, which means you will see various cultures, but there is still one general culture that needs to be understood. In this episode, I will focus on all the main issues of topic I will be explaining that to you in detail in future episodes. I kindly urge you to watch it together with your family members and learn about the culture. Compare and discuss things that you think are new and strange for you with your family members and friends. Try to put them into practice.

First of all, understand that families are important in the United States, as they are in Afghanistan. Americans invest time and energy into their families. They try to prepare their children to be educated and to make good members of society. This is considered a value for Americans. Independence and individualism are very important for Americans. Americans are very proud of being self-reliant and being able to take care of themselves. I am sure, you have noticed this. Americans tend to have small families, though you may have noticed some Americans have bigger families of five to six children. It is very expensive to raise children in the United States. American families also tend to be child centered. They spend time with kids, teaching them and playing with them. They don’t leave children unattended outside.

Hygiene is very important in the United States.   Hygiene is considered very important in Islam, too.  In America people generally shower several times a week. Use deodorant and wear clean clothes. Oily hair is considered to be poor hygiene in the United States, even though it is considered to be a good practice in Afghanistan. Try to keep your house clean. Change diapers in private.  Do it in the bedroom or bathroom of your house.  In a store do it in the restroom.  There is almost always a place to do that.

Americans respect the rule of law. They have strong laws and strong law enforcement agencies. No one is above the law in the United States. A person can get an expensive ticket or go to jail for violating the law. Trying to bribe a police officer or a judge is also a criminal offense.

Americans are direct and to the point. They don’t tend to “beat around the bush”. They may say what they have in mind even if someone may be upset because of it. They are frank and to the point. They look into your eyes when they speak to you. They smile when they greet you and speak to you. 

Americans tend to work hard.  They do it to earn money to improve their lifestyle.  They don’t necessarily keep the money.  They are also givers and helpers. They also like to help people in need and donate a lot to charities. Many churches and community organizations provide food, housing, and essentials to low-income families.

Americans enjoy going out to eat.  They tend to overeat, however, and obesity is a problem.  Because they are often in a hurry, and because both spouses often work, they may consume too much fast food.  Big meals, large plates, and large serving portions are common.  They often drink colas and like refills. Americans don’t share their plates. This is different from Afghanistan where people share their plates and bowls. They almost always eat with silverware (spoon, fork, and knife).  Exceptions are when they eat sandwiches, chips, and candy.

Public transportation is not good in many states in the United States, except in some major cities like New York and Chicago. Since Americans tend to be independent, they often like to drive their own car. Americans usually don’t walk to places, except in New York City and in the downtown area of cities. You can’t drive without a driver’s license and insurance. Seat belts and baby seats are required. Speed limits are important to observe to avoid getting a ticket.. 

All Americans tend to work including women.  Oftentimes, teenagers will also work. Americans take pride in their work.  Very often both husband and wife will work in order to have the lifestyle that they want.  They take pride in their ability to work and to have special things in their life, such as new cars or vacations.  They also work because it is expensive to live in the United State.

Adult children don’t live with their parents as they do in Afghanistan. Contrary to life in Afghanistan, American adults, tend to work and live independently of their parents. They usually don’t depend on their parents unless they are disabled or have to for some other reason.

Medical and dental care can be very expensive in the United State. If you don’t have insurance, you will likely have to spend thousands of dollars on medication and treatments if you have to go into the hospital.  While emergency rooms are not allowed to turn anyone away who is critically ill, a patient without insurance they may end up with a bill of thousands of dollars. It is also important for you to know that doctors will not share the medical information about one member of the family with another member unless the patient signs a document allowing them to do so.  It is considered illegal by law.

Americans get their groceries by going to grocery stores or ordering online. They mostly get groceries and other necessities to last them for several days. They don’t go shopping every day.

There are many restaurants in the United States. Over time, Americans have cooked less and less.  When they do cook, it may be as a hobby, that is a free time leisure activity.  They do not host lunches or dinners at their homes very often, but they will invite friends and acquaintances to go out for coffee and talk. You should not expect food a meal when you go to an American home, but a polite American will often offer you something to drink. Never go to an American house without an appointment or prior notice. This is different from Afghanistan.

Contrary to Afghanistan, Americans don’t talk about politics and religion except with people they know well. They don’t want to offend someone or start an argument. However, religion plays an important role in Americans’ lives.  Ninety percent of Americans profess to believe in God. If you have noticed, even on American banknotes it is written: “In God we trust”.

Americans wear a variety of clothes.  Informal clothing, such as jeans, pants, and shirts, are often worn with sneakers. Americans don’t usually wear ties and suits unless they are businessmen, diplomats, or politicians.  You will notice that women wear clothing that shows their skin.  In summer, they may wear shorts and mini skins because they are cooler and allow more freedom of movement.

In the U.S., you can only be married to one person. Polygamy is against the law.  Marriages happen by mutual consent. Contrary to Afghanistan, Americans don’t allow forced marriages. Arranged marriages are legal, but there still has to be consent by both persons.  One must be an adult age 18 or above to get married, though girls and boys under 18 can sometimes get married if they have parental consent. (This varies state to state.)  Divorce is common and is increasingly socially acceptable in the United States. Both husband and wife can ask for a divorce, even if it is without the spouse’s consent.

Education is important in the United States. Americans are generally expected to have a high school education. All children must go to school from ages 5 to 18.  Public schools are free in the United States. Colleges and universities are often expensive, although public junior colleges and technical schools are more affordable. But one needs to expect that a Bachelor’s degree will cost thousands of dollars.  Americans have a co-educational system. Men and women mix in the classroom and at social events.

Americans can sometimes be quite open and talk about their families and personal lives when they first meet someone.  However, privacy can still be important for Americans, too. This is different from Afghanistan where there are a number of things people don’t want to talk about.  Bedrooms are usually considered private spaces. Each family member may have their own bedroom.

Discrimination is strictly forbidden and is considered a crime in the United States. Race, religious belief and country of origin cannot be used to discriminate against someone in getting a job, buying a house, or being admitted to a store.

Democracy is the foundation of government. In addition to democracy, America is built on freedom.  Some of the freedoms include freedom of speech, freedom of the press, freedom of religion, and freedom to gather together for protests and rallies. The government does not endorse or support any religion over other faiths.

Americans have first, middle and last names.  Women get their husbands’ last name when they are married. Most Afghans have either one name or two.

Elders in the United States generally do not have the same level of respect as they have in Afghanistan. Doctors, military personnel, professors, high ranking politicians, and wealthy businessmen are often the most respected. 

Time management and punctuality are very important in the United States. One should be always on time whether for work or for a meeting. You can be fired for showing up late to work. 

Greetings and physical contact: Men and women typically shake hands. However, it is okay for women to decline to share hands. Men hug only their close family or people that they have not seen for a long time.  Women hug more than men, but the same rules generally apply.

Human rights are taken very seriously in the United States. It is against the law to beat or hit your children or your spouse. Spanking a child on the bottom with one’s hand is allowed if there is no bruising and if it is brief.  However, these days even that is frowned upon.  If any signs of hitting are noticed by teachers, it is likely to be investigated by a state welfare case worker. It is also against the law to leave young children at home without any supervision. American girls are not expected to run households until they are adults or get married.

Most Americans say “please” when they want something.  Americans say, “Thank you,” a lot. They also say, "Sorry," more than people in Afghanistan. Americans normally say, "Hello," when they meet people. They like to have personal space and tend to stand about two feet away when talking to each other. Bodily noises are considered impolite in America. 

Most Americans don’t fight. If there is an accident, they don’t argue or fight.  They wait until the police arrive. 

Standing in line is very important in the United States. Most Americans are taught from a young age to wait their turn in a line. Most Americans will hold the door open for you when you enter or exit a building.

Foreigners are usually treated well, but if one is threatened, the most important thing to do is to call the police at 911. if you are too afraid to call the police, ask a stranger to call the police for you. Report any incident you are involved in. Report any suspicious acts that you see.

When you are stopped by the police, stay in your car, and be polite and respectful. Never lie, argue, resist, or run away. The police have the right to arrest you only if they have “reasonable suspicion” or “probable cause”.  They can search you only under certain conditions.  Police can help you the most if you tell them the truth. However, remember that you have the right to have an attorney present if you are questioned by police.

If you have a high degree of stress, anxiety, or depression, it is recommended that you visit a doctor. Two thirds of Americans with severe depression went for treatment last year.  Most people in America don’t seek help for temporary stress, but there is no stigma in getting help if one chooses to do so.  Taking care of one’s mental health is considered important.

In the United States, you can practice your belief, faith, and religion. You can wear your desired clothing. No one can discriminate against you for your race, color, religion, clothing, or country of origin. It is against the law.

Banking is essential to the American way of life.  Almost all Americans keep their money in a bank.  Contrary to Afghanistan, banks are trusted and considered safe. If a bank cannot pay you back your money, it will be paid back by the United States Government.  You should not keep large amounts of money at home or in your pocket. Almost all large purchases are made by credit card or check.  Many people use cash only for small purchases, such as a newspaper.

Scamming is a major issue in the United States. Don’t share your bank account number, Social Security number, or other personal information with strangers. If you lose your credit card, report it to the bank immediately.  Lock up your valuables.  For example, don’t leave your bicycle unchained when you get into a shop to buy something. 

Paying taxes is a must in the United States.  Always look into whether you need to send in a tax return at the end of the year. You may or may not need to, depending on how much money you make, but at least get advice about it from someone you trust.  People who don’t pay their taxes often have to pay much more in the long run and perhaps may even go to prison.

You can rent, share, or buy a house/apartment in the United States. Renting a house does not cover gas, electricity, water, and grass mowing costs unless they are mentioned in the lease.

It is important to respect your neighbors in the United States. You cannot make noise in your house if it disturbs your neighbor. They can call the police. If your children drop a ball in the neighbor’s yard, don’t try to jump over their fence to get it. Knock on the neighbor’s front door and ask them for permission to retrieve it, or leave a note if they are not at home. Never allow your kids to bully their kids. Never leave your children unattended.

These subjects and more will be discussed in detail in our future videos.

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